Here’s information we’ve found to be helpful in our work. Find articles and links here for testing and assessments, articles, books, and the like. And let us know if you’ve got some valued resources you think we should check out!

Testing and Assessments

Here are a number of tests, quizzes, and assessments people can take online (most of them free or fairly inexpensive) that may help them determine their place on the spectrum, or just see the many ways they might be different from those close to them. And here is a useful article on Spectrum testing.

The Aspie-Quiz

Autism Spectrum Quotient

The Big 5 Aspects Scale

The Big 5 Aspects Scale (free version)

Experiences in Close Relationships Scale (a test of attachment style)

IQ Tests – IQ testing was part of our journey in assessing Tim’s limitations and gifts. Here’s a long list of various IQ testing resources you can explore.

Meyers-Briggs test at

Unofficial Cloe Madanes 6 Human Needs Test


Ten Conversation Stoppers that Sabotage Intimacy – Randi Gunther Ph.D., Psychology Today

This articles nails a great many of the attachment-threatening, connection-breaking habitual patterns of interaction that can form and rigidify between partners and close loved ones. It’s easy to read an article like this and notice all of the bad™ and wrong™ things your partner does. That’s child’s play. And, sure, they probably do many of these things. But the real master class is when you read an article like this and look for the things YOU do, notice your own part in these habitual patterns of interaction, inquire into the old wounds and unmet needs that have you perform these addictive behaviors, and take 100% responsibility for your part in things. You’ll never get the relationship you want if you focus on your partner. You cannot fix them. It has never been your job to fix them. But you can get clear about your own part in things, and learn to regulate the old tender, vulnerable feelings which drive your behaviors, and learn to become a calming presence for your partner, such that they can do the same for you. That’s your work here. Blame is a bankrupt strategy. It will never get you want. It will only feed your addiction by giving you little hits of righteous anger.

Toxic Relating Patterns – Five Protective Neural Patterns & Role Scripts (1 of 4) – Athena Staik, Ph.D., PsychCentral

This dense but wonderful article goes deep into how healthy relationships work, how toxic relationships develop, how these habitual patterns actually change your brain, and the moves you can make to break out of those patterns. It’s all about attachment theory, though it doesn’t mention attachment directly. So much of value here. Worth all of your time to read, consider, digest, and incorporate into your lives. As with the article above, the value of this article will come from seeing your own part in the patterns of your relationships and learning to be responsible for that.


On Relationships:

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson’s work, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, is thoroughly grounded in Attachment Theory and ongoing research regarding what works for couples. This is a best first place to start, if one wishes to read about couple relationships, how they get into attachment distress, and how they get out of it. (At least until we finish our book!)

On Autism and Asperger’s:

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome – Tony Attwood

Sometimes called “the Asperger’s Bible,” a go-to guide for learning about Asperger’s Syndrome and its many facets. There’s a wonderful 30-minute video about Tony and his work and his family that you can watch here.

Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity – Steve Silberman

I very much enjoyed reading this and was fascinated by the history and backstory. The book is now considered somewhat controversial by many involved in the “neurodiversity wars,” by those who see autism primarily as a disease which can or must be cured, and who find it dangerous to consider the syndrome as simply a different way of being. I understand both viewpoints, and am sorry to see that this conflict has arisen in the autism community.

First Person Autism/Asperger’s Memoirs:

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband – David Finch

This is the first book I read after self-diagnosing. I loved it. So clear and funny and real, and I found much alignment with my own experience. Perhaps it’s time to read it again?

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s – John Elder Robison

I first encountered John Elder in the pages of his brother’s (Augusten Burroughs) many moving memoirs. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for John Elder, knowing his back-story. His books are fascinating, in my opinion, and helpful to my understanding. This one, in particular, moved me a great deal. His experience was so different from my own, and yet there are many points of contact between our narratives.

Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian – John Elder Robison

Switched On: A Memoir of Brain Change and Emotional Awakening – John Elder Robison

Asperger’s From the Inside Out: A Supportive and Practical Guide for Anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome – Michael John Carley

This is the book that convinced me of my personal need to get a professional diagnosis. Loved his first person account.


Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, ‘you owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that! It lights up the whole sky. ~ Hafiz